It was a few months ago when I came across a post on Tumblr while mindlessly scrolling through my social media channels. It read: “remember when you were innocently minding your business in 2008 and 3OH!3 dropped the iconic fucking line, “tell your boyfriend if he says he got beef that I’m a vegetarian and I ain’t fucking scared of him.” That was a transformative moment in everyone’s life.” The text was nothing more than a memory-drenched laugh, but, for some reason, it set up residence in my mind. …

If I were to be stripped bare in my honesty, I’d admit that I’ve been sitting with this open document, staring at its blinking reminder of words I have yet to write, overwhelmed with my turbulent seas of emotions since the beginning of September. I’ve partially dreaded the dredging up of memories suppressed and feelings muted that I’ve used as coping mechanisms instead of letting the truth of mourning and the stabbing pain of grief pass through my body. Yet, there’s been this pulling- this yearning- to let all that I’ve barred off wash over me to feel her spirit…

Hope Vandelay

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